Ringworm

Do you have any idea what it is like to have to confess to a friend that you have ringworm? How about a friend at whose house you have just shown up begging to be allowed to crash for the night? It’s like confessing to have saved all your toenail clippings in a jar for the last year; people look at you like you are the nastiest most dirty person ever.

But I’m not dirty I swear! And I won’t stand for this type of treatment. I think that I need to start a ringworm awareness society, a walk for the worm kind of thing, to educate people that this is not a worm and that it is not the victim’s fault. So I just wanted to say that.

How did I get ringworm? (I hear you asking in your judgy victim-blaming voice) I got it from a cat. Who I so selflessly decided to save from the streets and bring into my very own home to nurture and love. In return he has brought me: ringworm, chewed through cables, scratches all over my body, and a general lack of peace.

Although, to be honest, he has also given me an excuse to be ok with talking to myself regularly. I just put a “cat can you believe…” in front of whatever it is that  I wanted to say about the phone conversation that I just had, or the ineptitude of my coworkers, and bam, I am talking to someone (something) and not just talking to myself. Which is crazy, obviously. Who talks to themselves? Or more to the point, who admits to talking to themselves? I’m not saying I am having full, split personality arguments with myself out loud, but hey, sometimes you feel like saying something and it just pops out.

The dangers of living alone.

Although now, to add insult to injury, I can’t even claim living alone, which inures me with a certain amount of respect, but instead I am now living alone…with a cat. And you know what that means. Crazy cat lady. Because a woman cannot be single, living on her own, and own a cat without everyone immediately thinking “crazy cat lady.” Even if they think, wow, she’s hot, she totally doesn’t seem like a crazy cat lady, and decide to still associate with me, that crazy cat lady title just had to rear its ugly head.

No graceful way to end this. I went from having ringworm to self-labeling insanity, but it has to end sometime. So why not here.